A Light Through the Darkness

Updating - aka, Val is really bad at this.

2017-07-05T16:46:34Z

Like, seriously bad. I spend so much time on my work computer (I work a 4x10 schedule, so 10 hour days, 4 times a week) that I don't always want to update other things. If you follow me on Patreon or on the website (where I'll cross-post this), you'll know that's the truth. I will go for a while updating and then fall off the face of the earth. It's not you guys. It's totally me.

I'm trying to decide what to do next for my patrons today, since my Dropbox doesn't want to load on the hospital wifi, and I don't feel like setting up a hotspot. Lament is covered under an NDA, so I can't share that with them. So time to think of either continuing an older project, like Falls; starting a new novel from scratch; or doing some shorter stories/novellas. I'm kind of leaning towards the last choice, as I really want to work more on short stories. It's a form I'm not good at, and yet one that I love. And I can experiment with different voices, while not contaminating Lament's voice.

Growing as a writer is important, just as it is as a person. I'm doing a lot of forced growth this year, and I'll be honest - I'm not enjoying most of it. But I'm doing it. Life is about moving forward, and one thing Brian's death has taught me very clearly is that we were in a rut. Both of us. We were living the life we settled for.

I'm done settling.

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Day 1, again

2017-06-19T13:11:33Z

Day: 1

#100daysofwords

Starting Count: 2989

Ending Count: 3380

New Words: 391

Opening Line:

Sapph filled him in quickly. “So if we take her words at face value, there’s no reason for this place to be haunted,” she finished. “But I can feel the Ghostwind here, a lot stronger than if there were no ghosts.”

Closing Line:

“How do you know?” Sapph said, following his gaze. The main room they were in had a large oak card catalogue and three desks, each of which had a typewriting and a stack of books on them. There was a microfiche machine in one corner. And on the air was the scent of old paper and the faintest trace of mold.

Darling:

The building they were in now was not the building she and Scottie had entered. It was smaller, and Sapph could see water damage creeping down the walls. It lay like old mold over everything: almost decorative, not interfering with the books she could see in the old bookcases, but definitely there. The books were large, substantial looking, but the titles were missing. She wondered what she would find if she opened one. “Do books have ghosts?”

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Metrics for Lament

2017-05-21T18:12:36Z

Starting count: 1027

Ending count: 1864

New Words:837

Darling:

A loud bleat made me jump, and I glared at Archimedes, who had stuck his head over the dutch door to the back yard. He bleated again, and butted his head against the door.

“Absolutely not. You know you aren't allowed in the kitchen,” I told him sternly. “Even Gran never let you here. It's not sanitary.”

Archimedes snorted.

“And it's not Sunday, so no chocolate,” I continued. “Go harass the girls.”

He shook his head, the bell on his collar jingling merrily.

“Go,” I said firmly. “I've things to do.”

With one more snort, he pulled his head out of the kitchen. I heard the bell jingle across the back yard. Gran had always maintained that Archimedes understood English perfectly well. I still had no reason to disbelieve it.

1867 / 50000
(3.73%)

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Tired. But still moving on.

2017-05-20T15:32:57Z

Some of the tired is staying up to watch the Red Sox lose at 1 am EST (sigh, Jesse must be pleased with that result - it was his A's who beat us), and some of it is that I'm not really up to full strength yet. Some of it is also going past my first yard sale this morning. Brian loved yard sales, and he would hopefully say, "Yard sale?" if we went past one. It was one of our games in the car to pass the time. He was a yard sale genius - seriously. And I miss him.

We bury him on June 11. There shouldn't be any snowstorms to keep people from this service, and I've already had a stern conversation with him about how there will be no rainstorms or hailstorms or any nonsense like that. I want a lovely day. Or else.

We're going to go to his favorite Chinese buffet afterwards. It seems right, somehow.

Today, I'm writing. We have writing group at 2 pm, and I have to go and get my short story printed out. I'm also going to be working on some stuff for my Patreon and the SSP that I need to really work on.

I hope you're all doing well. I need to write more, here and everywhere.

I'm just tired, that's all.

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Day One of #100daysofwords

2017-05-07T20:58:51Z

Started the novel over again today, mostly by cutting some words I'd put in before. The net gain for the day is 303. Slowly but surely. Time to get to the grocery store and the pharmacy before I head home and work on some kumihimo and reading and getting ready for work tomorrow.

Word Meter for Blue

676 / 50000
(1.35%)

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Heading back to work tomorrow

2017-05-07T18:11:37Z

It's finally time. I'm heading back to my dayjob tomorrow, and I'm alternatively excited and nervous about it.

Excited, because I do love my dayjob, and I love the people I work with. I work in a lovely campus. My team really supports me. And I'll get out of the house on a regular basis.

Nervous, because I have to talk to people again. And I'll be responsible for things. And I'll be around people who haven't seen me in three and a half months, who will have to ask me how I'm doing. And for the first time in a while, I'll have to talk about Brian and how I'm doing without him.

I won't lie. Days like yesterday are hard. Really hard. I'm glad I went to the wedding, but watching Brian's brother getting married was bittersweet. Brian was there, I know he was, but he wasn't THERE. And while the roommate was wonderful, she's not him.

I have to keep looking forward. One day at a time, as the AA folks say. He's always going to be with me, and there will always be that small part of my heart that won't ever return. But I can do this. I can.

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Using this as a brain dump

2017-04-30T16:48:34Z

My fingers are not up to holding a pen this morning, so I'm doing my morning pages here, on this journal. So if it's a bit disconnected, you'll know why, and you can just pass it over. I might just make this one private, I'm not sure. I really want to get back into doing the morning pages every day longhand, but when your fingers hurt, it makes holding the pen hard. So I might need to make some of these entries just do the morning pages routine.

The hard part of this is that I can't stop to fix things, or I'm not supposed to, but I can't NOT fix the spelling errors I see. Its as if they taunt me with their red lines, showing me how badly I spell. And of course, now that I'm looking out for it, I see it even more. So sorry, Julia Cameron, but I'm fixing my spelling errors at least today.

I need to get into a ghostly mood. I need to pull up a new play list, I think starting with SHEL, and then go to wherever it leads me. Sapph and Blue are more alike than Sapph and Molly - Sapph is a good bridge. I do like the idea of journal entries, but I'm afraid of what Sapph might say.

And I'm getting interrupted all the time, so I guess I'll just actually start writing, rather than trying to do this. :P

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Feeling like a fraud - moving forward

2017-04-28T17:54:58Z

I'm writing in a new world, and I'm terrified.

I'm terrified because I'm stepping into a world that no one has seen me write in before, and it's not completely mine, and it's VERY different from what I've written before. I'm comfortable with Molly, with Sapph, with Shanna. I know how they react to things. They're old friends who I can talk to, and writing them feels like coming home.

Blue is not an old friend. She's prickly and wary and looking at me sideways as she slips into the booth, and I don't know what to order for her. Sapph is Dr. Pepper, Shanna is a rum and coke, Molly is tea. But I don't know what Blue wants, and she doesn't even bother to study the menu. Instead, she's studying me, just as much as I'm studying her, and her body language is closed, not giving anything away. It's been a long time since I've written a brand-new character, in a brand-new world. I'm moving just as cautiously as she is.

But under the terror is excitement. This is new territory, and let's be honest - I haven't done anything really new in a couple of years. You have to do new stuff every so often, or your readers will get bored. (I know, it's hard to believe, but even the most hardcore of you will get bored of Schrodinger after a while). I'm working to rules that I haven't quite gotten used to, and I don't want to mess up this world (since it isn't mine). So the challenge is real.

So I'm going to order my signature drink (a Dark and Stormy, thank you, with real ginger beer), and see what she orders. We'll talk, maybe. Or maybe we'll just sit and enjoy our first drinks in silence. Maybe we'll order dinner. I'm not sure yet.

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Musings on a grey Saturday

2017-04-22T15:40:29Z

I used to love grey mornings. It was like being wrapped in silvery cotton - the rain pattering gently on the window, the fog winding around the house, and the cool spring freshness creeping in through the open window. And then I got older, and grey days were just another day that I had to get up and do adult things, rather than lying in my bed and dreaming.

Lately, grey days have meant headaches and pain meds and bed, since my sinuses hate me. And yet, now that I've been home, the grey days are starting to weave their magic again. Stories come to me as I lie in bed, even if it doesn't rain. Characters are whispering to me again. Even Shanna, who hasn't been talking to me for a while.

It's spring, which I usually love. This year, it's been hard, since I'm mourning for those I've let go. I don't want to say lost - I didn't lose them. They just moved on without me, and although I'll follow, at some point, I'm now finding my way along through the world. It's spring, a new beginning, in more ways than one.

Yes, I mourn. I mourn the time that we won't have, the experiences we won't share, the memories we won't make. But I also turn my face to the warming sun and remember that I still have memories to make, experiences to have, books to write.

I'm on a PD James kick right now, and one of the lines really jumped out at me. They were discussing a writer who may or may not have been murdered (there was hanging involved), and the detective said, "She hadn't finished her book. Do you really know any writer who would kill themselves before finishing their book?"

That got me thinking. I have so many books to finish. But time isn't guaranteed. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. And floating along means I'll never finish, and means I'll leave things undone. I don't want to do that. I will, I'm sure, but until I do pass beyond the Veil, I'm going to start writing as if tomorrow is my last day.

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Writing, and the lack of time

2017-04-21T18:43:53Z

It's a funny thing I've discovered. I write more when I have a job.

No, really. I do.

I always think that when I don't have to work, then I'll get a ton of writing done. Because dude, I'll have nothing else to do! I can write! And just write! And then...life intervenes.

I sleep late. I see friends. I crochet and knit and putter around my house and play games...and I don't write. This is why I don't think I'll ever make it as a full-time writer with no other job, because well, I can't seem to get my butt in the chair and blog, never mind write.

Then again, it might be that because I have other sources of income, I don't feel the NEED to write. I watch some of my full-time author friends and realize that they put in the time because if they don't, there's no money coming in. If I don't write, well, my next paycheck comes in 2 weeks, and I have savings. But I'm not depending on that writing to pay my rent or put gas in my car or pay for my tea habit.

Which is why anyone who makes the jump to full-time writing has my admiration. It's NOT easy. It's NOT carefree. It's a decision that should be made with open eyes and a clear idea of what is going to be expected of you.

I'll be going back to my day job in two weeks. I have managed to finish Winter's Storms, and have gotten it back from the editor. I'm starting on the SSP (aka the Sooper Sekrit Project) and I'm also starting to work on Sapph and Shanna again. I think there might be some shorter stuff on the Patreon for the next month or so, while I get myself back together. Also, I've discovered Southern Gothic music on Spotify, and I'm kind of in love.

Now, off to write.

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LJ is gone!

2017-04-17T18:27:02Z

My LJ account has now been deleted. However, don't fret - everything is here now!

I'm writing again. I have only 2 more chapters to go before Winter's Storms is done, and then I move to the next one. I'm hoping to start writing more here too.

I seem to say that a lot, but now, I'm finally going to follow through.

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All the words

2017-04-09T17:07:40Z

It's funny how coming back to this kind of blog, with the reading roll, makes me feel like I'm coming home.

I'm deleting the LJ account as soon as I confirm that everything has moved over. But this - this reminds me of other times. Better times.

There will be different posts here than at my website (www.vg-ford.com, if anyone wants to follow me there) and my Patreon (www.patreon.com/vgford). This is going to be more of my stream of consciousness, I think. Kind of like a morning page, but not quite.

More later. I have a book to finish!

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getting there

2017-04-08T14:45:12Z

Two days in a row! Holy cow!

Yeah, I know, nothing to write home about yet, but I'm working on it.

So, since I last dusted off my journal, I have had a pitch accepted for two novels that I can't really talk about (but that I'm very excited for) and I'm in the home stretch of Winter's Storms rewrite (the second Advent book). I should have that done (god willing and the sun don't shine, as my great-uncle used to say) by the end of the day tomorrow.

It is still planning on being launched at ConCarolinas in June, and I'll have more information on that when it gets closer.

Time to write.

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Moving here

2017-04-07T19:55:40Z

Yes, I'm moving from LiveJournal to here. I'm going to figure out how to cross-post my website and my Patreon here. And I'm importing everything from the LJ.

Expect more soon

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Yes, this account is still live

2011-04-06T13:09:25Z

Just checking to see if I remembered how to log in. :P I might mirror over to my LJ - depends on how long the DDoS attacks last this time. Those are seriously irritating, but I don't feel like moving everything over yet. But I might do some mirroring.

This might also force me to finally figure out what's going on with my WP site and get it operational again. I spoke to a tech friend on Twitter yesterday, and she gave me some great ideas. I just need to implement them, which I shall do tomorrow. Today I will actually make it to work, despite the residual pain in my head. In fact, in a bit, I have to make lunch for myself and dinner for Argus.

So, yeah, will mirror this over to LJ, if it will let me. If you're reading this on LJ and want to add me on DW, feel free.

And yes, I think I have a code or two if folks want.

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Arg.

2009-05-22T01:14:31Z

I'm sorry - life has been busy. I will start posting here, I promise.

After Quest. :P

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First post on Dreamwidth

2009-05-04T00:41:47Z

I'm on Dreamwidth now as vg_ford (I know, I'm so creative!) and I'll be crossposting to the LiveJournal account. It looks interesting - just wanted to see what was going on.

Besides, it's always good to have a backup, right?

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