(writing/personal) Realizing certain truths that we know to be self-evident…

[vg_ford]

I have had an ephiphany.

I have these once in a while, and while I’ve heard they are supposed to be wonderfully uplifting and illuminating, mine tend to be more of the clue-by-four to the forehead kind. And this really was. It was the result of several conversations from the past few weeks, and the diagnosis of my migraines as stress-related (I know, shocking, huh?). Mostly, though, it was me realizing that despite everything, I wasn’t happy.


Writing used to make me happy. Writing used to be a joy. Now, it has been a chore, or worse, something to dread. I hate that. I love to write.


I work 40 hours a week, with an hour commute each way. My job is very demanding, because I’m working with people’s money, their retirement savings, and given the markets recently, it’s been a bit….challenging. It’s not a job that I can sit back and wing through. It’s exhausting. I used to come home, though, determined to write, because that’s what writers, REAL writers, do, right? And then I’d write about 250 words of crap, delete it later, feel like a failure because all the other writers I know are churning out words, and books, and stories, and they’ve got them up on Kindle, and are getting agents and deals and even if they aren’t doing any of that, they’re actually FINISHING things, which I haven’t done in months….and it was a downward spiral. And then the clue-by-four hit.

I don’t have to do what they do.

You have no idea how freeing that statement was. I don’t have to pursue agents. I don’t have to publish to Kindle, or Smashwords. I don’t have to go to cons, and promote.

I can just write, and enjoy it.

I will be at CapClave in October (barring anything unforeseen), and then I think the next con I will be doing is Balticon in May. I’m going to finish up Spells, turn in Rites, and write Rebirth (the short erotica). And then, I’m just going to write.

Today, however, I have other things to do as well. I need to clean up, since we’re hosting the official afterparty next weekend after Baronial Birthday, and I need to cook. And there’s WoW in my future. As well as erotica.

Think I’ll do the to-do list in a separate post – or just on my computer screen. This got longer than I wanted.

Originally published at The words of Valerie Griswold-Ford. You can comment here or there.

Comments

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

Enjoyment should always be the first objective, methinks.

[vg-ford.livejournal.com]

Yes. Sadly, it's very hard to not measure one's own success/failure by how far it is from someone else's.

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

How I understand that. I do so understand it very well.

I had my own declaration this past week, and that was that for the remainder of the year, I will write only for joy.

So, yes, I know where you're coming from. ::HUGS::

[vg-ford.livejournal.com]

Good for you! We shall write together, for ourselves!

Did you already do Viable Paradise? (am so behind on LJ)

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes, let's do it together! Joy loves company even more than misery does! I originally said I was having a "Writing Free for All", but have now determined to call it "16 weeks of Joy".

I leave for VP in 4 weeks and alternate between so excited I can't sit still and terrified out of my mind. :D

How have you been? I've missed your posts.

[vg-ford.livejournal.com]

Busy. :( Working in financial markets lately has been interesting. :p Wave as you fly over - I'm not that far from VP! And thanks - I've missed being here, but life has just been nuts.

[peartreealley.livejournal.com]

I had a similar revelation a couple of months ago, although it was more that I'd realized that I kept getting paralyzed by the thought of writing because I was so burned out from the time before and trying to chase publication.

I'm still recovering from it, but I'm working on changing my mental/emotional state and learning to do things for enjoyment, passion, and love, not for "success" (which in this case is usually measured in profit/publication).

Knitting is helping a lot. Which is why I blog endlessly about it XD It's teaching me about joy and creation for the sake of it, and I'm trying to apply that attitude to other parts of my life--including writing.

[vg-ford.livejournal.com]

I wish I could still knit, but I'm rediscovering beading and crocheting and sewing. And yes, it's a process.

[jenstclair.livejournal.com]

AMEN.

[jmward14.livejournal.com]

Sometimes giving yourself permission to do what you want is the hardest thing of all. Glad you're planning to come to Capclave. Looking forward to seeing you there. It's my hometown con. :-)

[dragonmyst.livejournal.com]

YAY for self realizations!

Write for you.

Don't feel guilty because you aren't doing what other writers do. You are a writer, period.

I certainly won't judge you. :)

[zombiegoat.livejournal.com]

Q: Why do we do what we do?

A: Because it's fun.

Welcome aboard the S.S. Goodtimes, please enjoy your cocktail and kick up your heels any time you feel like it.

[nuchtchas.livejournal.com]

good for you!