A Light Through the Darkness

First and foremost, Blessed Beltane! One year, I will have my own land and be able to light the Beltane fires as the sun comes up, but alas, not this year. So I shall sit with my lit candle, thank the Gods for my new niece, my lovely family and the good life I have, and enjoy a lovely spring day. I got to see my grandfather hold his newest great-granddaughter, and bask in the love of my family. It was awesome. We missed you, caitlindancer.

Now I'm home, and I've got a lovely cup of Sleepytime Vanilla tea steaming next to me. Laundry's in the wash, I've put two loads away already, and I'm about to tackle my dining room table. I still have three stories for S&S to edit, but I think I'll print them out tomorrow morning and take them to work. I can edit better on paper, honestly.

So tonight is stuff that needs to be done here at the house. Mostly laundry and dishes and cooking. So a short to-do list, since it's nearly 7 pm.

- Laundry
- Put dishes in the rack away
- Make meal plans for the week
- Pack lunches for Bri and I for tomorrow
- Bake something
- Strip and make the bed
- Clean off the dining room table

That's a good list. I need to do email and read my f-list too, but I'll do that in between things.

Blessed Samhain and Happy Halloween, everyone! Despite this cold (which I thought was allergies - I'm sorry to anyone I gave it to!), I am determined to do my Samhain ritual tonight. I stopped at my favorite herb shop (the Mustard Seed in Nottingham, if anyone is interested) - I haven't been there in a long time, because honestly, my practice has gone by the wayside, like everything else. But for me, I consider Samhain the end of the old year and the beginning of the new; this year, I'm reclaiming myself and my pagan practice as the new year begins to spiral up out of the remains of the old. I have a simple ritual planned - just to reacquaint myself with the spirits and rededicate myself to my Goddess. A goodbye to those I've lost this year, and an welcome to those I've met. And a small request - for strength and hope and joy in the coming year.

However, before that (I'm planning my ritual for after dark at some point, not sure when), there are some things I need to do. With this cold making my brain swiss cheese, it needs to be very specific, and not very taxing. :P

To-Do:
- Go out to car to get cell phone, checkbook, planner and cold meds. Found everything but cell phone. I shall have to continue to look for it. Edit: Found it! It was under some folded laundry on the table.
- Pay rent.
- Balance checkbook.
- Check emails: captain_hobbes, vg_ford, val
- Send out email on Spells and Swashbucklers
- Reminder Blog Post: Spells and Swashbucklers Reading Period
- Blog Post: 365 Days of Writing
- Dishes
- Download Scrivener onto big computer
- Pack bags for Monday/Tuesday
- Pay bills
- Food plan for week for Argus
- Finish outline for Rites
- Gather everything for ritual

I think that's it. Maybe. I might bake today, but I'm not sure what. I can't eat on Wednesday or Thursday (yay, colonoscopy!), but I can eat today and tomorrow. We'll see.

Is not going to happen now. *sigh* I'm working 8:30 to 8:30 on Halloween.

Blargh.

Maybe I'll do a small ritual on my own, but after working 12 hours, I'm not going to want to see people. Sorry. :(

I went to a really nice memorial service for my friend Cheryl today. We'd lost touch after high school - she'd moved to Texas, I found out, got married, had three kids and got divorced, then moved back here and discovered she had breast cancer. She'd been a year behind me in school, but I'd forgotten that it wasn't because she was younger than me - on the contrary, she was a month older than I was, but she'd been held back one year.

The memorial service was full of music and old friends - I found out that Cheryl's cousin, my friend Chris whom I hadn't seen since, oh, graduation - had three kids of his own. Three kids. Wow. My best friend from high school now has 4 kids of her own! Of course, I was the kid going "Nah, not going to get married and have kids." Chris was shocked to hear I'd actually gotten hitched too. We had a good talk - I got to meet his wife, who wanted to learn all the annoying nicknames we called him during high school. He might take up fencing with us - I think I've got him half-talked into it.

During the service, the pastor talked about Cheryl's faith, and how she always had it, even though she didn't get baptized into the church until three weeks before she passed away. That got me thinking. I have been very, very lax lately about my faith. Honestly, I pay lip service to being a pagan, but I haven't celebrated a ritual or even lit my altar candles in a long, long time. And not because I don't believe anymore, but because I haven't made the time.

I need to rediscover my faith. Rededicate myself to me, not just to the world around me. Figure what I want from life (and no, I'm not talking about going off the deep end, divorcing argus7hills, shaving my head and running off to Mexico) and go after it.

To that end, all my LJ friends who are in the NH area are welcome to come join me for a Beltane celebration (because we might be able to see my backyard by then). I want to set up a labyrinth and walk it in the backyard. RSVP at some point in the next few months and let me know if you're interested.

I'll be doing more introspective work too, posted under the "pagan" tag (for those who just look at the tags up top), but I'm not sure what yet.

Right now, I have to get back into the saddle on this book. More later.