Thanks to everyone for the concern.

[vg_ford]

Yes, I'm okay. For the most part.

My best friend Donna's mother Florence passed away Wednesday morning, very suddenly. That's what I was posting about before. I couldn't write any more without crying, and it's hard to write this now.

I didn't know her very well, not nearly as well as I wanted to. She was one of my biggest fans - adored Horseman and read it several times cover to cover. In fact, every time I saw her, the first words out of her mouth were "How's the sequel coming?" I think she might have been more excited than I was about it.

Damn, I'm crying again, just typing this. Florence had a stroke a couple of weeks ago, her second, but we all thought she was getting better. She was starting to get movement back in her left leg and arm, and they were going to be moving her to thinner liquids (she was on what's called "honey liquids" because of the consistancy - she couldn't swallow well, so the food had to be heavy enough to get to the back of her throat, since she couldn't move her tongue). We had no idea there was any problems with her heart. In fact, they were talking about letting her come home in a few weeks.

My old computer was supposed to be for her. Donna was going to set it up in her room, so she could work on sitting up. We were going to set her up with a blog, so she could do book reviews. Florence loved to read - we all lost our best reader this past morning.

The worst thing, for me, is knowing how much she was looking forward to Dark Moon Seasons and Last Rites. And knowing that I've been putzing around on it, not finishing it, when I probably could have. Knowing that now she'll never know how the story ended.

And how she would have hated that.

Is it stupid? Yes. Can I help it?

No.

So now I have more incentive than ever to sit and write. Which is why I'm sitting at my computer now, after working a 13.5 hour day, and getting ready to open my WIP.

And the first thing I'm going to add is the dedication to the front. I'd been trying to decide what the dedication for this one will be. Now I know.

"To Florence. I'm only sorry I didn't finish in time."

Comments

[snitchcat.livejournal.com]

*hugs* That's one of the best, if most sorrowful, dedications I've seen in a very long time. *hugs* Much condolences and hugs to all.

[vg-ford.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[kim-richards.livejournal.com]

Wow, a muse with an actual face. Cool. Do her proud.

[vg-ford.livejournal.com]

I'm going to try.

[irysangel.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. The dedication sounds wonderful, though. I'm sure she would have loved that. :)

[vg-ford.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

::HUGS::

I'm so sorry.

[vg-ford.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[caitlindancer.livejournal.com]

*HUGS* sorry for yours and Donna's loss. The dedication will be great.

[vg-ford.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Don't know if I'll be down in CT this weekend. It's going to depend on when the funeral is.

[cucumberseed.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[vg-ford.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[amcnh.livejournal.com]

I was fine reading your LJ right up until I read your dedication...*gets a tissue*

I'll keep her family and you in my prayers

*hugs*

[vg-ford.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[shanrina.livejournal.com]

***hugs***

[vg-ford.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[mooseythehut.livejournal.com]

Val this is the saddest and most touching thing I have read in a long time. I'm actually sitting here at my desk halfway tearing up... and you know I'm not the type to tear up easily.

*hugs and cuddles*
At least you know Florence's struggle and her pain are over now. And I'm sure she would be happy to know (and perhaps she does know) how much of an inspiration and an encouragement she was to you.

[vg-ford.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[barlidoc.livejournal.com]

I only wish I could be there to tell you in person not to beat yourself up and serve you a nice pot of tea to go with my condolensces. I know Florence wouldn't hold a grudge; don't you either, against yourself.

Much love, tea and hugs!

Ann

[vg-ford.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)

[viverra2.livejournal.com]

Oh Val, I sympathise. And I don't know if this will be a comfort, but it is meant to be.

Shortly after my mother's death, I finished a project and was cleaning up a 'brag book' copy, when all of a sudden I was blindsided by the realization that I was doing it for my mother, and she was not there to see it. Copy in hand, I sat there and just blubbered.

But after awhile I came to feel that she somehow knew, and that my effort had not been wasted. Perhaps this is a sort of mysticism -- there are all sorts of religious, spiritual, or psychological theories for why one might feel that way -- but the bottom line is that I felt she knew, and that I could still somehow feel her support.

I think that perhaps she does indeed know how the story ended -- possibly even if you don't know yourself yet, since she is freed from the fixed timeline constraints of earthly life. Perhaps if you listen, you can hear her comments and produce the story she has already helped shape.

I hope this helps.

[tangled-fortune.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

Ye Gods I'm sorry to hear about that! Death really never gave a thought to what's fair :(

*more hugs*

That's truly a beautiful dedication. To be remembered in such a way is a wonderful thing, and I'm sure she'd be proud of it.