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If you're interested in hearing me blather some more about writing, check out Vision's newest issue. Vision is a great resouce put out by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lazette, and I highly recommend it.
lazette, and I highly recommend it.
So here's my new hook, based on what raleva31 suggested in her crit. What do you guys think?
Sapph Pendragon was one of the top ghostwalkers in the business – a psychic who could literally turn herself into a ghost and walk the borderlands between the Afterlife and Earth. She used her talent to “clean out” haunted houses, sending earthbound spirits on to their heavenly (or hellish) reward. Then business killed four of her closest friends, and Sapph vowed to never use her talent again.
Fast forward four years. One of her former teammates calls in a favor, and Sapph reluctantly dusts off skills she let rust. Unfortunately for her, ghostwalking isn’t something that you can just come back to after a long absence. The Ghostlands are an unforgiving place, and Sapph soon finds herself in over her head, literally and figuratively, as she tries to send the ghosts of Crosley Farms through the Border to whatever Afterlife is waiting for them.
To make matters even worse, this particular set of ghosts have a plan beyond making the new owners of their home miserable. Ellen Crosley wants her life back, and she’s willing to do anything to get it. Including killing anyone in her path. The problem is, in order to live again, Ellen needs a mortal body that can house her dead spirit without burning out. She needs someone who can exist in both the Ghostlands and Earth. Someone that most people think is a myth.
A Daywalker. And it looks like she’s found one in Sapph.
Sapph must learn to use both the Talent she let rust and the Talent she never knew she possessed to defeat Ellen. In an ever-changing landscape of spirits and magic, she must decide which ghosts she can trust – and hope she’s right.
raleva31 suggested in her crit. What do you guys think?Sapph Pendragon was one of the top ghostwalkers in the business – a psychic who could literally turn herself into a ghost and walk the borderlands between the Afterlife and Earth. She used her talent to “clean out” haunted houses, sending earthbound spirits on to their heavenly (or hellish) reward. Then business killed four of her closest friends, and Sapph vowed to never use her talent again.
Fast forward four years. One of her former teammates calls in a favor, and Sapph reluctantly dusts off skills she let rust. Unfortunately for her, ghostwalking isn’t something that you can just come back to after a long absence. The Ghostlands are an unforgiving place, and Sapph soon finds herself in over her head, literally and figuratively, as she tries to send the ghosts of Crosley Farms through the Border to whatever Afterlife is waiting for them.
To make matters even worse, this particular set of ghosts have a plan beyond making the new owners of their home miserable. Ellen Crosley wants her life back, and she’s willing to do anything to get it. Including killing anyone in her path. The problem is, in order to live again, Ellen needs a mortal body that can house her dead spirit without burning out. She needs someone who can exist in both the Ghostlands and Earth. Someone that most people think is a myth.
A Daywalker. And it looks like she’s found one in Sapph.
Sapph must learn to use both the Talent she let rust and the Talent she never knew she possessed to defeat Ellen. In an ever-changing landscape of spirits and magic, she must decide which ghosts she can trust – and hope she’s right.
Word Goal for the day: 750 - made 843
Starting line: “So you shoved Robert’s psychotic spirit into James, who has major shields but no Talent, as far as anyone knows, because you thought your psychotic brother would protect him from your psychotic aunt?”
Ending line: “I need to understand what’s going on, and how this is all connected.” I shook my head. “This is all interconnected somehow. I just can’t see how yet.” I looked over at Claire. “Can I pick your brain?”
Darling: “I hate to break it to you, Claire, but he’s a loon. A handsome loon, but a loon nonetheless.” I sighed. “So how do we get him out of there?”
***
Got words. This whole section is dragging a bit, but it's got some fun dialogue. I'm sure most of it won't survive. :)
More later. Cat is whining, so I have to go to bed.
Starting line: “So you shoved Robert’s psychotic spirit into James, who has major shields but no Talent, as far as anyone knows, because you thought your psychotic brother would protect him from your psychotic aunt?”
Ending line: “I need to understand what’s going on, and how this is all connected.” I shook my head. “This is all interconnected somehow. I just can’t see how yet.” I looked over at Claire. “Can I pick your brain?”
Darling: “I hate to break it to you, Claire, but he’s a loon. A handsome loon, but a loon nonetheless.” I sighed. “So how do we get him out of there?”
***
Got words. This whole section is dragging a bit, but it's got some fun dialogue. I'm sure most of it won't survive. :)
More later. Cat is whining, so I have to go to bed.
Tags:
Really I did. I was going to clean, and sew, and write, and cook, and pack...
But my cold had plans too. And apparently my cold is more enthusiastic about its plans than I am about mine.
I got the laundry folded in the living room - got three little bags finished for tax court on Saturday, and made an orange bundt cake and a loaf of pumpkin-cranberry bread. Now, I'm going to try and write.
I'm mulling over all the reactions to my new hook (thank you, everyone!!!), and will be working on that as well. But I have a question that I'm going to throw out there - shouldn't your hook tell what the major problem your MC faces is? Or should you leave that for the synopsis?
And yes, I'm asking these questions because, well, I've never had to write a hook or a synopsis or a query letter before. Stop looking at me like that. :P
But my cold had plans too. And apparently my cold is more enthusiastic about its plans than I am about mine.
I got the laundry folded in the living room - got three little bags finished for tax court on Saturday, and made an orange bundt cake and a loaf of pumpkin-cranberry bread. Now, I'm going to try and write.
I'm mulling over all the reactions to my new hook (thank you, everyone!!!), and will be working on that as well. But I have a question that I'm going to throw out there - shouldn't your hook tell what the major problem your MC faces is? Or should you leave that for the synopsis?
And yes, I'm asking these questions because, well, I've never had to write a hook or a synopsis or a query letter before. Stop looking at me like that. :P
.